I don't like the fruit-flies that have taken up residence in our house, but I admire the fact that they choose to end their lives by dive-bombing into a glass of wine, or sometimes even bourbon.
Jack Kevorkian had it all wrong with his death machines. Should've been a bathtub full of wine.
17 November 2007
A Story From The Work Week
(Note: Let me just say that I love it when desks have that piece that's intended to block a persons view of your feet, that normally faces your customers, but instead is mashed up against the wall making access to any type of outlet impossible unless you can dislocate your wrist bones like a snakes jaw and fit it into the one inch space. So listen up: run a goddamned power strip/ethernet/whatever out from behind your desk BEFORE you move your 800 pound press board desk against the wall, okay?)
Last week I was called to a *very dog friendly* business to connect some equipment. There are at times three to four dogs roaming around.
So after making the connections I rolled out from under the desk, stood up, shook my wrist bones back into place and realized one of the employees was staring at me.
"Maybe we should've vacuumed before you went down there."
I looked down at my clothing and saw a dog hair patina on my clothing. Many years worth of dog hair from many dogs had created a Sasquatch-like covering over my clothes.
I imagined the blurry camera phone footage documenting me loping out to my car.
"It almost looks like it's wearing Dockers, but I know it's Sasquatch. Thing I didn't know was that Sasquatch could drive!"
Last week I was called to a *very dog friendly* business to connect some equipment. There are at times three to four dogs roaming around.
So after making the connections I rolled out from under the desk, stood up, shook my wrist bones back into place and realized one of the employees was staring at me.
"Maybe we should've vacuumed before you went down there."
I looked down at my clothing and saw a dog hair patina on my clothing. Many years worth of dog hair from many dogs had created a Sasquatch-like covering over my clothes.
I imagined the blurry camera phone footage documenting me loping out to my car.
"It almost looks like it's wearing Dockers, but I know it's Sasquatch. Thing I didn't know was that Sasquatch could drive!"
P.W. Has Thrown Down The Gauntlet
Alright, Missy. Challenge accepted.
May the font of unread words flow forth as the lava did from Vesuvius.
May the font of unread words flow forth as the lava did from Vesuvius.
13 November 2007
Nattering
Monday, November 12th, 9:17pm - "You needed to add more detail to that last post."
Tuesday, November 13th, 8:13am - "You should write about the Tooth Fairy being outed."
SERENITY NOW!
Me: "Why don't I grant you rights to post about the tooth fairy on the blog yourself?"
Jennifer: "No."
The passage of 3 milliseconds...
Jennifer: "Okay!"
Not quite, but almost the same level of panic I felt when I realized Jennifer was holding a microphone in front of about 200 people at my brother's wedding reception. But I'll write about that later.
Tuesday, November 13th, 8:13am - "You should write about the Tooth Fairy being outed."
SERENITY NOW!
Me: "Why don't I grant you rights to post about the tooth fairy on the blog yourself?"
Jennifer: "No."
The passage of 3 milliseconds...
Jennifer: "Okay!"
Not quite, but almost the same level of panic I felt when I realized Jennifer was holding a microphone in front of about 200 people at my brother's wedding reception. But I'll write about that later.
12 November 2007
The Wedding - Day One: The Entourage
The security checkpoints at the airports have made travelling with an entourage like ours almost a joke; 8 carry-on bags, six pairs of shoes, four belts, four cell phones, four jackets, two purses and a laptop all have to be unlaced, unpacked, unhinged, unzipped, removed, opened, turned on, turned off, put back on, hinged, packaged, and laced - while 700 people stand behind us and try not to appear annoyed.
Regardless, we somehow managed to make through the airport with enough time to be able to sit down, read a magazine, and eat a snack.
After we landed in Oakland, we took a cab to my brother's house -
- and entered -
The Wedding Vortex
My brother was off picking up his fiance's parents (don't ask me), his daughters were in four different places (which is weird because he only has three daughters, so there was some time-continuum thing going on), his fiancee was actually levitated above the floor, and the dog was pissing on the entryway floor.
I found a happy mental place to go to and blacked out for three hours.
With my brother not back yet at 7:30 and his good friend Mark at the house to drive us to the bachelor party, we called to have him meet us at the restaurant.
This wasn't a bachelor party with skanky strippers and empty bottles of Icehouse rolling around the floor. Instead, we consumed wonderful bottles of wine in a swanky restaurant in Oakland with several of my brother's close friends.
After dinner and a very scary experience with the check where I didn't understand the tip was included and everybody was asking me what they owed and my brain ceased mathematical operations for a moment (not an uncommon phenomenon), we adjourned to a Tiki bar near the house. Every drink on the menu is a combination of eight different types of rum mixed with a masking blend of fruit juice, the end result being that one can no longer sense one's extremities.
After a little goofing on the guitar with Mark at my brother's house, I went to bed. It'd been a long day of travel, The Vortex, eating, drinking and jamming.
Another installment tomorrow.
Regardless, we somehow managed to make through the airport with enough time to be able to sit down, read a magazine, and eat a snack.
After we landed in Oakland, we took a cab to my brother's house -
- and entered -
The Wedding Vortex
My brother was off picking up his fiance's parents (don't ask me), his daughters were in four different places (which is weird because he only has three daughters, so there was some time-continuum thing going on), his fiancee was actually levitated above the floor, and the dog was pissing on the entryway floor.
I found a happy mental place to go to and blacked out for three hours.
With my brother not back yet at 7:30 and his good friend Mark at the house to drive us to the bachelor party, we called to have him meet us at the restaurant.
This wasn't a bachelor party with skanky strippers and empty bottles of Icehouse rolling around the floor. Instead, we consumed wonderful bottles of wine in a swanky restaurant in Oakland with several of my brother's close friends.
After dinner and a very scary experience with the check where I didn't understand the tip was included and everybody was asking me what they owed and my brain ceased mathematical operations for a moment (not an uncommon phenomenon), we adjourned to a Tiki bar near the house. Every drink on the menu is a combination of eight different types of rum mixed with a masking blend of fruit juice, the end result being that one can no longer sense one's extremities.
After a little goofing on the guitar with Mark at my brother's house, I went to bed. It'd been a long day of travel, The Vortex, eating, drinking and jamming.
Another installment tomorrow.
The Wedding
Last Thursday my entire family left for California to attend my brother's wedding. My daughters were flower girls, step-daughter a bridesmaid, my step-son a groomsman, my wife performed a reading during the ceremony, and I was the best man.
As such it was not only a very busy four days, there is a lot to tell.
I've taken notes and plan to write about it in more detail, but for now (and because I'm supposed to be working), it'll have to come later. I might actually write in installments.
That way I can keep all three of you coming back for more.
I'll start with this, though: I've been involved in many weddings, both as a best man and a groomsman. Years ago, I was the best man for a friend and was drunk before the ceremony even started, had a hard time standing up straight during the ceremony, forgot the notes for my toast, and generally made an ass of myself. I've also attended weddings as a groomsman that were so stuffy it felt more like a funeral than a wedding (though that's not a commentary on their marriage - they're still happily going along.)
My brother's wedding, however, was the best wedding I've ever been to or been part of.
More later.
As such it was not only a very busy four days, there is a lot to tell.
I've taken notes and plan to write about it in more detail, but for now (and because I'm supposed to be working), it'll have to come later. I might actually write in installments.
That way I can keep all three of you coming back for more.
I'll start with this, though: I've been involved in many weddings, both as a best man and a groomsman. Years ago, I was the best man for a friend and was drunk before the ceremony even started, had a hard time standing up straight during the ceremony, forgot the notes for my toast, and generally made an ass of myself. I've also attended weddings as a groomsman that were so stuffy it felt more like a funeral than a wedding (though that's not a commentary on their marriage - they're still happily going along.)
My brother's wedding, however, was the best wedding I've ever been to or been part of.
More later.
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