Dear God

What's with the ear hair? Why does it look like I have eyelashes on the rims of my ears? And why are these undetectable to me until my FOUR YEAR OLD points them out? Huh?

This is part of your "Intelligent Design"?

Biscuits and Nasty

I was asked to install DVD drives in a couple of computers today. I don't get to mess with the hardware so much anymore, so I considered this a change of pace.

The first one was one of those Dell computers that opens like a suitcase. Press the buttons on the top and bottom of the case and it swings open to expose its guts. There's plenty of room to work. The drives are on rails that allow you to just slide them out, making replacement super easy.

The second computer was not so nice. A "white box" of unknown lineage, I had to remove a bunch of screws from the case just to get the panels off, then removed the front bezel.

What I found beneath the bezel isn't something new to me. I've seen this before, but it's gross. This time I had a camera-phone, so I snapped a picture for the three of you to look at:

There, on the lower right corner of the computer (nearest the ashtray - and yeah, it's illegal in Washington to smoke indoors) is what can only be described as a giant dust/hair/dirt biscuit stuck to the cooling inlet. On closer inspection, you'll note that there are other clumps of stuff stuck to other parts, but the biscuit was the most alarming.

So alarming, I actually exclaimed out loud, "GROSS!"

Really, really fortunately for me, I was not within earshot of anybody and so my job's not in peril.

I should dress up as a nasty old smoker's computer for Halloween.

La Conner Music Update

See the other blog for info on music in La Conner. Seriously. No really, I'm not joking. There's going to be a real live band in La Conner.

BREAKING: Teenage Males Found To Have Opossum Genes

Each night, opossums crawl out of their trees and scrounge for food in your garbage cans. Then, when they're well fed, they stand on unlit country roads and wait for you to paste them to the asphalt. That is the life of the opossum. Does it sound familiar to you at all? Have you seen this behavior in, say, the HUMAN species?

I'm sure by this point you're intrigued. Please, gentle reader, continue on. For what follows may shock you!

I have determined - after careful observation, the usage of an electron microscope, a couple of beers, and the Discovery Channel Home DNA Kit - that teenage males share genetic coding with opossums.

Here I pause to allow you a moment of reflection. You see, don't you?

Each night, after dark, I hear the tell-tale scratching sounds coming from my kitchen. Sometimes a mucous-clearing snort unique to the Teenus Annoyensis will assist me in identifying the sound before I've visualized the source. Other times I must click on the kitchen light and surprise him: Pringle crumbs stuck to sparse facial hair. A granola bar clutched in one hand, a half-dozen Red Vines in the other. It always the same.

Only, Teenus Annoyensis is more able to survive in our world. When detected, he doesn't run to the road, waiting to be struck. Rather, he scurries downstairs snorting with discontent, to sit in his den.

But just until the next night, when he returns looking for more.

READ THIS: How The Gov't Controls Our Minds!

What is the deal with demo televisions and our collective inability to move past them without stopping to stare? Seriously.

I'm not TV guy, generally. I can take it or leave it. I don't subscribe to cable, don't have a favorite show, and all the jingles I know are from the 80's ("Monchichi, monchichi, oh so soft and cuddly...").

So why then - WHY I ask you! - do I feel the irresistible urge to stop and stare at the three minute long demo loop showing me how cool plasma technology is... for 15 minutes! Yes, five viewings of the totally uninteresting spiel illustrating the qualities of the TV.

Because they're piping messages into our brains.

Go to any department store and it's the same scene: men, women, and children staring at the TV. Not because they're interested in making a purchase and are comparing qualities. Nor because they're intrigued by the demo loop.

It's government control.

Avert your gaze.

Touchy Feely Author Quote

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
-Walter Anderson